Share something funny that you've experienced

I remember one time when I was little my parents said they couldn't afford something so I suggested to them to grab something out of Sainsbury's to get more change.

You see those coins that were handed out after every purchase I thought were donations, when in reality it was always just giving you the difference in tendered cash and basket cost.

So I was basically suggesting to buy more stuff to get money.

One more and I'm going to slow down on these.

Once again, when I was just a kid all of our family was out in town a good few miles away, I was way more hyperactive when I was a kid than the age I am now but I figure that was most of us.

The nearby park we visited had some of the best climbing frames you could wish for, dare I say it, potentially fatal! After all was done and we were back on the way to the car to go home, I said to my parents and sisters "race ya!" and bolted the rest of the planned route back to the car. Funny part is they must not have heard me, because later I found they'd split up in multiple directions to search for me. Ehat gave it away to me that they didn't hear me when I was at the car?

"Hmm, they run really really slow". I'd worried them sick.

About 10 years ago I was in Las Vegas for the weekend and...…………………………………………………………………………..

Went to a friend's 21st birthday about 12 years a go. Decide to go dressed a a woman because memes, got the squirts pretty bad and was very thankful to be in a dress when I got caught at short notice on the walk home from the party

About 10 or 12 years ago I went to a party. Started drinking not long after arriving. Fast forward to about 4am and I woke up in a field with about 10 missed calls. Apparently Id decided I was hungry and said I was going home to get a sandwich. This was a 5 mile walk home.

> Be me
> On holiday in Tenerife
> with friends
> returning from a day of shopping and just relaxing at the beach
> visiting supermarket
> not been to toilet all day
> don't feel like I need it
> spend about 30 minutes deciding what I want
> go to check out
> cute island lass
> pay
> walk outside
> friends not finished in supermarket yet
> taking forever
> suddenly feel huge pain in bowels
> not now no please not now
> no public toilets anywhere and no bars or cafes near by(it was quite an out of the way hotel we picked because it was cheap)
> don't think people in super market speak english so I don't want to ask if they have a loo
> panicking
> one friend comes out. says the rest of my buddies are at the back of the queue
> can't hold it
> tell friend I really need to go
> he laughs
> thanks for the support
> decide that I will run to the hotel
> hotel is up a steep curvy road
> why did we pick this fucking hotel?
> go pretty fast, but half way up the turtle begins to vacate my anal sanctum


> try to suck it back in as best I can
> Mr. Turtle does not want to go back home
> gets stuck
> If I let go now it will all rush out
> have to keep clenching my butthole with enough force to crush my turdle into a shit diamond
> cannot run, too risky
> have to keep body as stiff as possible
> awkwardly walk up hill
> people start noticing
> sweat literally spurting from my forehead
> pretty much have to crab walk into the hotel
> "can I have the key to my room please?"
> "no"


> Literally cannot understand why the receptionist won't give me my key
> She's probably suspicious about a guy that crab walks into the hotel and looks like he's on something
> the turdle moves about a mm further
> ask where the toilets are
> she says they are just outside near the bar
> go outside into the pool area
> cannot see any toilets at all
> literally cannot move any more. If i move I will definitely shit right here
> pretend I'm looking for someone for a couple minutes
> go back to reception
> different woman
> she gives me my key
> "yeah I've been to the loo. Thanks."(they knew I was lying)
> I'm pretty sure by this point that the shit alien inside me is going to burst out
> I'm going to die
> Is this where it ends?
> of course our room is on the very top floor of this five story building
> why the fuck not
> press button for lift
> lift is at the op fucking floor
> slow as hell
> it's coming
> start feeling light headed
> Turdle is now touching the back of my shorts
> It's like a solid rod of brown
> lift gets to third floor
> back up to fourth floor
> the fuck
> after an eternity the lift finally gets to the bottom
> NO FUCKER IN IT!
> get in lift
> door is about to close and some old man and his granddaughter stop the door and get in
> I'm dripping with sweat
> having trouble breathing
> they both keep looking at me like there's something wrong with me
> they probably didn't know they were right
> most awkward lift ride ever
> they get out on the fourth floor
> finally at fifth floor
> room is also the furthest from the lift because why the fuck not
> fumble around with the keys trying to get in
> bingo
> move at light speed to the toilet
> open the gates of hell
> Mr. Turdle is going to ride the current of excrement
> Release the bitter stick demon that has tormented me for about an hour now
> sit on toilet for 40 minutes completely exhausted

it wasn't even that big.