Probably overreacting.
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Post by Probably overreacting. on Feb 24, 2018 12:53:16 GMT
Hey, you know me, but on this particular occasion I don't want a name attached to me as otherwise I would find this incredibly uncomfortable to talk about, and I need to talk about it with a group of people who I respect and look up to.
So basically this is about life, it could be a lot worse than it is but nevertheless it is so depressing.
I see myself as a good student, I completed and passed almost all of my exams. I behaved in class. Tried my absolute hardest but I just can't seem to get a permanent job that offers more than 4 hours a week at £6.95
I'm affected with Aspergers Syndrome which has been a pain in the ass throughout my life socially, and every time I hear a story of someones relationship going all the way to living together in less than a year, instead of being happy for them I experience deep jealousy and hatred for myself over my inability to socialise as I could be happy like them if I were.
I do have a girlfriend now, but it took me 4 bloody years to fess up to the fact that I liked her on the 20th August 2017. Even then, she's too far away from me to visit by walking and as said earlier, I obviously can't afford a car.
We've seen each other in town ONCE during the time we've been together and she "hasn't found the time" since.
Even if I were to get a car and such I wouldn't be able to do much due to her parents who are protective to the point they're in town every time we've seen each other, even before our "relationship".
We're very happy with each other but sometimes I feel like this whole thing is a lie we're telling ourselves because nothing can happen if neither of us have the ability to see each other at least semi regularly.
I don't get much of a break at home either, I'm on Universal Credit for benefits that gives me a bit of money for MY efforts to look for work but my parents wouldn't give a shit if it was necessary to my survival, they'll gladly pester me constantly so they can drink themselves stupid.
Because them drinking fucktons before I was earning everything at 12 wasn't enough. 22 now and they're still absolutely hopeless.
I just want to escape, but I can't afford any kind of rent for my own home due to what's been said above.
Is it worth seeing a therapist about this kind of stuff or is it as my temporary name indicates, probably overreacting?
I know this is sad but please, if you're a user of this forum, I trust you and could use your advice.
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hexarcana
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Post by hexarcana on Feb 24, 2018 13:06:33 GMT
Sounds like it's your environment that's crap. Don't know what it's like across the pond but joining the armed forces here has always been one of the best options for those with dysfunctional families and troubles finding a direction.
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Snorelacks
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Post by Snorelacks on Feb 24, 2018 15:31:35 GMT
Your post is a very difficult subject to discuss, and honestly it's hard for someone not fully aware of the entire situation to offer comprehensive advice, so I will offer some as a parent and someone that wants to see people experience life to the fullest of their ability.
- Yes. I would talk to someone like a counselor or trained therapist. I think talking to someone who can look at your situation objectively, with full attention and a desire to help you through some of the things that are causing you significant anxiety would be very helpful. It's always good to talk to someone that may see things from a different perspective and offer advice you may not have thought about.
- Try to stay focused on the things you enjoy and that you can control. It's a difficult exercise sometimes, but it's much better to work on or do things you can impact.
- Try to stay positive. Good things do happen in life...some of them are small things and some of them are big things, but they are good things nonetheless. Continue working hard at the job you do get, and it's possible your hours could be increased, or you may get a small raise...celebrate those things as being positive.
- Most importantly, don't give up...stay strong, be persistent, be consistent, be professional in anything you do and good things will happen...maybe not in the timeframe we want them to, but they do, and they will happen.
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I AM The Scouting Authority.
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Invicta Insomniac
Like a circle in a spiral, Like a wheel within a wheel
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Post by I AM The Scouting Authority. on Feb 24, 2018 16:38:02 GMT
See a Doctor first. They can put you in touch with Free Counselling Services amongst other things. They could also take a look at any medication you are on to see if that is leading to depression. Dont be afraiď to seek help, thats what the Dr is there for.
I was prescribed anti depressants before christmas as I had been expected to be "strong" by everyone around me for far too long. The Dr I saw was great. Non-judgemental. Listened to what I had to say. Took time to reassure me.
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Post by R35T NO MORE on Feb 24, 2018 19:17:37 GMT
I wouldn't say that you're overreacting, and the fact that you have chosen to try talking about it is great, as not doing so doesn't help at all. As Snore said it can be difficult to offer advice but i'll give it a go, don't take it as expert advice and i might have to ask vague questions.
So, starting at the top. The job search. Is there a lack of jobs in your area, or are you having no luck getting call backs after you have sent a CV? Do you have alot of interviews that never lead anywhere? I should hopefully be able to help you with advice for either of those situations if so.
My older brother has Aspergers, and struggles socially too. That's something i would try to talk through with a doctor or a counselor because there will be alot of individual circumstances involved with that and all we can offer here is generic advice.
The relationship sounds complicated. If her parents are present is it maybe worth trying to get to know them? I don't know what they are like so that might not be a great idea. I'm going to be honest relationships are very personal and i don't know much at all about yours so any advice i can give is extremely limited and possibly useless, sorry. I wouldn't want to suggest anything that could potentially make things worse.
Onto the housing situation, i'd have a word with citizens advice here, as it sounds like your best bet might be to try and get a council flat/house. Citizens advice should be able to give you advice and people to contact regarding this. Your current living conditions aren't ideal and it sounds like you could do with your own place ASAP. The council would cover your rent if you are unemployed or would help you if you are working low hours.
Are you on DLA at all, or do you have any kind of special needs statement?
I would definitely get in touch with a doctor, talk through these things with them, and give citizens advice a call regarding housing.
I want to point out again that talking through issues and difficulties is always better than bottling it up and i hope you continue to be able to talk about these things, be it with us, a doctor or a therapist.
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cyrex005
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Post by cyrex005 on Feb 24, 2018 19:20:44 GMT
What they said above. Plus.
Honestly, if Military sounds like something you may want to do, don't call a recruiter. Get in touch with the command above them. Or get in touch with someone in the Medical branch of the service you would like to join. Find out if there is a waiver. It will be based on just where in the spectrum you are.
For the near future, stay calm and strong. You'll have to start being strong with your relatives(have an Aunt and Uncle that press their kids for funds). It'll be hard but hold your ground with them. They won't like it but they need you to be tough with them just as much as you need to grow as a person and be tough for your self. Good luck and stay strong. It all works out in the end. You just have to fight for it and your self.
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Probably overreacting.
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Post by Probably overreacting. on Feb 24, 2018 19:43:37 GMT
R35T NO MOREI don't have much of an issue getting applications done or getting interviews at all, I just don't hear back from a lot of them. I just recently finished a customer service and food safety exam both at level 2 so I'm hoping to add those certificates on. I just tend to get turned down at the interview stage and I'm surprised I got kept on for that 4 hour job I had after my temporary position. As said, we're not able to see each other much, and by extension her parents don't know me too well either. I've taken up their offers to drive me home with gratitude and have had comfortable conversations with all 3 concerned. From what I can tell this trait her parents share isn't likely to have always been present but more than likely due to other guys messing their daughter about. I think if she was a bit more confident travelling by herself her parents would be more willing to let her leave the nest. For housing my sister plans on moving out this year and has said I could come along so things will be better for that situation at least until I get my stuff wrapped up. To be honest...I'm not really feeling the whole doctor thing, I know that sounds silly after what I put up, but I'm feeling a bit better just getting it out. I very much appreciate everyone else's replies as well.
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ZER01025
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Post by ZER01025 on Mar 6, 2018 22:48:41 GMT
I've been in a long distance relationship, and I think it's a waste of time. Don't be shy, be ready to feel embarressed but be yourself. Life's to short to be loyal to someone you never see. When I did meet my long distance girlfreind it didn't click and we didn't get along in person. As for everything else, just hang in there and kerp your head up. Stay focused on your main goal and keep at it. Don't give up! I had a rough start but now I'm married to the best person I've ever met, have my own house and have all the cool toys a guy could want.
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fαи¢у уєαѕн
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Post by fαи¢у уєαѕн on Mar 29, 2018 13:11:33 GMT
Yes. Please.
I hope you did decide to seek professional help after posting this.
I'm currently suffering with depression and on medication and basically in a similar position to you (my parents aren't alcoholics, but home life is a big stress regardless).
I got therapy, and while I don't think it or the meds have made any kind of breakthrough, and I'm still depressed, there's no question that I am less depressed. Every little helps.
As for relationships, yeah, I'm actually trying to start a long-distance relationship with a girl I've been talking to on and off for well over a year and never actually met. I do consider myself a little hopeless in that regard and I have great difficulty expressing my feelings for women. I'm 25.
"Stop worrying about it" is obviously garbage advice - I clearly worry about it too - but it's an important point. It's a psychological need to find a relationship if you desire one, but we need to put way, way less importance on our sexual prowess. In the grand scheme, it doesn't matter, and it will only matter when a solid opportunity comes along.
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