Vince Cable's Exotic Spresm
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Post by Vince Cable's Exotic Spresm on Mar 9, 2016 7:25:25 GMT
That, my ungrateful colonial friend, is not a biscuit. It is a scone with dog vomit on top. Well it's a really pity you Brits have not experienced real food, when I hit the lotto I'll fly you guys over so you can try some. I don't get it. We still have your "biscuits", it's called a scone. You can make savoury ones too. With cheese and stuff in. All we're missing is the vomit. It seems you actually seem to be missing out on the proper biscuits.
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RagingxMarmoset
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Post by RagingxMarmoset on Mar 9, 2016 7:29:48 GMT
Well it's a really pity you Brits have not experienced real food, when I hit the lotto I'll fly you guys over so you can try some. I don't get it. We still have your "biscuits", it's called a scone. You can make savoury ones too. With cheese and stuff in. All we're missing is the vomit. It seems you actually seem to be missing out on the proper biscuits. We have what you guys call biscuits. We call them butter cookies and no one eats them because Oreos are a thing. Seriously, you need to try real southern sausage gravy. It's life changing.
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Atom Priest
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Post by Atom Priest on Mar 9, 2016 7:34:39 GMT
I don't get it. We still have your "biscuits", it's called a scone. You can make savoury ones too. With cheese and stuff in. All we're missing is the vomit. It seems you actually seem to be missing out on the proper biscuits. We have what you guys call biscuits. We call them butter cookies and no one eats them because Oreos are a thing. Seriously, you need to try real southern sausage gravy. It's life changing. News flash. Oreos aren't actually that good. Sausage gravy sounds pretty nice though.
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Shhhhh
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Post by Shhhhh on Mar 9, 2016 10:19:42 GMT
I don't get it. We still have your "biscuits", it's called a scone. You can make savoury ones too. With cheese and stuff in. All we're missing is the vomit. It seems you actually seem to be missing out on the proper biscuits. We have what you guys call biscuits. We call them butter cookies and no one eats them because Oreos are a thing. Seriously, you need to try real southern sausage gravy. It's life changing. Need to stop reading this thread, have sudden urge to buy some Oreo's, and make some more biscuits and gravy. The real travesty is the Brits will never know the joy of buckeye candy. Hell not even everyone in the states know what those are.
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Post by Cap'nKaitoGhost on Mar 9, 2016 13:58:16 GMT
Sausage gravy is fucking amazing. Pour it over biscuits. Pour it over chicken fried steak. Pour it over mashed potatoes. Pour it over eggs and toast. Pour it over whatever the fuck you want.
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Post by Violet Viper x on Mar 9, 2016 14:24:34 GMT
Sausage gravy looks like vomit. Pour it in the bin. Pour it down the toilet. Pour it out the window. Pour it on a compost heap. Pour it over whoever the fuck you don't like. Fixed that for you
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I AM The Scouting Authority.
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Post by I AM The Scouting Authority. on Mar 9, 2016 15:03:24 GMT
Sausage gravy looks like vomit. Pour it in the bin. Pour it down the toilet. Pour it out the window. Pour it on a compost heap. Pour it over whoever the fuck you don't like. Fixed that for you Real gravy is thick like tar Dark brown and has at least half a dozen onions in.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2016 2:24:26 GMT
Here you go Widow, one order of Bangers & Mash with Onion gravy....'ding'... next order please!
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Vince Cable's Exotic Spresm
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Post by Vince Cable's Exotic Spresm on Mar 11, 2016 7:25:51 GMT
Needs more mash.
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I AM The Scouting Authority.
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Post by I AM The Scouting Authority. on Mar 11, 2016 14:19:49 GMT
Also needs to be in a deep bowl. With proper cumberland sausages. And enough gravy to float the Bismarck
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bullpup
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Post by bullpup on Mar 11, 2016 14:24:06 GMT
Actually...needs to be here in front of me on my table.
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RagingxMarmoset
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Post by RagingxMarmoset on Mar 11, 2016 14:55:27 GMT
Fixed that for you Real gravy is thick like tar Dark brown and has at least half a dozen onions in. So it's supposed to look like my shit after taco Tuesday? You guys are weird.
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I AM The Scouting Authority.
Captain
Invicta Insomniac
Like a circle in a spiral, Like a wheel within a wheel
Posts: 1,683
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Date registered: Feb 13, 2016 17:12:18 GMT
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Post by I AM The Scouting Authority. on Mar 11, 2016 15:34:26 GMT
Real gravy is thick like tar Dark brown and has at least half a dozen onions in. So it's supposed to look like my shit after taco Tuesday? You guys are weird. In British cuisine, as well as in the cuisines of Commonwealth countries like Australia, New Zealand, and some areas in Canada the word gravy refers only to the meat based sauce derived from meat juices, stock cubes or gravy granules. Use of the word "gravy" does not include other thickened sauces. One of the most popular forms is onion gravy, which is eaten with sausages, Yorkshire pudding and roast meat. But then you strange americans get confused by Crackling on a Pork Joint Thats proper gravy
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Post by Violet Viper x on Mar 11, 2016 17:09:29 GMT
So it's supposed to look like my shit after taco Tuesday? You guys are weird. In British cuisine, as well as in the cuisines of Commonwealth countries like Australia, New Zealand, and some areas in Canada the word gravy refers only to the meat based sauce derived from meat juices, stock cubes or gravy granules. Use of the word "gravy" does not include other thickened sauces. One of the most popular forms is onion gravy, which is eaten with sausages, Yorkshire pudding and roast meat. But then you strange americans get confused by Crackling on a Pork Joint Thats proper gravy Eww! I don't like onions in gravy, I prefer it smooth. That looks like school dinner gravy.
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Pit Friend
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Post by Pit Friend on Mar 12, 2016 0:55:31 GMT
Now I understand the British having a stiff upper lip. They need it to keep that crap from coming back up.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2016 2:18:12 GMT
That's it... go burn the damn WhiteHouse down again.. the colonials are getting restless and insulting...
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Vince Cable's Exotic Spresm
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Post by Vince Cable's Exotic Spresm on Mar 12, 2016 10:20:36 GMT
Dear Citizens of America,
In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.
Your new prime minister, David Cameron, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium,” and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”
3. You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you find you simply can’t cope with correct pronunciation.
4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up “vocabulary”). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
5. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”
6. You will relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”, but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. The 14th March will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called “Come-Uppance Day.”
8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.
9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables… Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.
12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling “gasoline”) – roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.
13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.
14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” American brands will be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one’s ear removed with a cheese grater.
17. You will cease playing American “football.” There is only one kind of proper football; you call it “soccer”. Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of Jessies – English slang for “Big Girls Blouse”).
18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the “World Series” for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.
19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.
Thank you for your co-operation.
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imhidingshh
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Post by imhidingshh on Mar 12, 2016 11:05:12 GMT
All this sound and fury signifying nothing. The Canadians have already given us the ultimate breakfast treat, merging Oreo Cookies with doughnuts. I give you a Tim Horton's Oreo Doughnut: I'm diabetic and I still find a place for these in my diet. That looks like someone was too excited to eat it, if you catch my drift! (The second one is the face someone makes when they've finished being "really happy")
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imhidingshh
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Post by imhidingshh on Mar 12, 2016 11:08:11 GMT
I don't get it. We still have your "biscuits", it's called a scone. You can make savoury ones too. With cheese and stuff in. All we're missing is the vomit. It seems you actually seem to be missing out on the proper biscuits. We have what you guys call biscuits. We call them butter cookies and no one eats them because Oreos are a thing. Seriously, you need to try real southern sausage gravy. It's life changing. Did you know that the Oreos Company actually stole the recipe from someone else.
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bullpup
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Post by bullpup on Mar 12, 2016 15:34:03 GMT
Sqn Ldr:
You lost me on #17...football/soccer is the worst damn thing ever! There's no inherent violence like rugby/American football. I'm sorry, but it's played by a bunch of sissies world wide, all the flopping and rolling on the field, it's boring too. I'll give soccer players one single kudo, you gotta be in pretty damn good shape to run around for such a length of time. Sorry, but #17 means we will have to go to war once again, with the same result no doubt. And since WG keeps British tanks nerfed, your tanks will be of no help to you!
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